Confessions of a Stock Character
by Tiemiosho
Summary: Based on actual fics and experiences. Too many ciche' abusive fathers and random gropers in OC fics. How does it make those stock characters feel? They're crying inside!
1. The Preppy Bitch

Stock Character 1: The Preppy Bitch

Okay, so like...

I've had it up to _here_ with Sakura.

She called me up yesterday about five times to bitch about this chick Mukuro just 'cause she's got this "whim" that Mukuro's got a thing for Sakura's boyfriend. As far as I know, Mukuro doesn't give a frick, but I'm sure she's pissed off at Sakura for making it sound like she does. Like, totally! I don't know where Sakura _gets_ this stuff!

So the sixth time she called, I just didn't answer. And, I swear she called again, like, eighty times _in a row!_ Holy cow, girl! Don't you have a life? I _know_ you have a boyfriend. Unless you think he's cheating on you with Mukuro. Which, I guess, I can't blame either of them.

She freaked last night at the party. She asked why I didn't answer the phone, so I had to pull an excuse out of my butt. Then nowhere, out of the blue she says I'm to preppy and spoiled and snobby! And she calls _Mukuro_ the bitch. Ugh! Just because I've got other things to worry about then her paranoia about sea urchin boy?

Sure, I got money. I've got both parents, a nice house, and everything I need. But that isn't me. It's just some extra stuff I happen to have. So I'm a stupid spoiled snob just because I'm rich? Sure, I'm a bit naive at times. Sure, I love the color pink. Sure, shopping is my life. But my parents have tough rules and curfews, and I'm always scared to speak my mind, except here.

And what, all goths are_cool_? A lot of _them_ seem like a bunch of snobs to me. Like they were born to tell me how I suck at life. How I'm stupid. I mean, I've met a few nice ones. And I can't judge them as a group, since a lot of them are judging me.

Well, I'm ditching her. Who needs such a shallow, blood-sucker, anyway? You know, I kinda feel sorry for that Mukuro chick. Maybe I'll give her a ring, see how she's doing.


	2. The Alcoholic Dad

**Stock Character 2: The Alcoholic father**

I gave her food, clothes, a nice allowance and a roof over her head. I simply don't want her going out with that boy. I love Gwen, just like any father would, and I'm protective of her, just like any father should be. I expect her to do more chores than other kids. That doesn't mean I'm lazy. I'm running my ass around with this sucky job, why can't she do the same for this house?

So I drink. Big whoop. Most people do. I just need to drink a little more than middle-class people. My wife left, then died a year later. I can barely pay for the place, and my kid hates me. I don't beat her or threaten her (other than with grounding or curfews, but that's normal parenting stuff). I deserve a scotch every now and then!

I've made friends at the bar. There's this whacked-out guy in a blue mohawk. He's a freaky dude, but when he's had enough whiskey, it turns out Chuu and I are kindred spirits. I talk about my daughter, and he talks about his fighting career. And I thought package delivery sucked!

She's gonna bust in here one day announcing that she's pregnant, since she's been stupid with what's-his-face. Then I'll be shooting myself in the foot and want to murder him. I don't have the money to deal with another kid, and I don't think he would. He's just a freak in black. What does she see in him? What has he done for her?

I'm lost; I don't have any idea of what to do. Maybe Chuu will help; he listens, and gives good advice in the few minutes that he's sober.


	3. The Random Pervert

**Stock Character 3: The Random Pervert**

I don't get it, man. I just don't get it. What's wrong with thinking that a chick is hot, or trying to pick her up, even? That's what normal people do at bars all the time! If I just cared about looks, I'd buy a porn magazine. If I just wanted to get laid, I'd order a hooker. But I don't. If there was some godly-lookin' dude wandering around a mall, I'm sure he'd have a long line of whispering stalkers behind him. But I don't do crazy things like that; I respect women.

She was perfection itself, like she jumped out of a Vodka ad. Her nice spagetti straps tight around her Barbie-doll perfect figure, and those cheap-looking jeans you see in emo rock music videos. It was so weird, she must've been wearing some crazy contact lenses, 'cuz they seemed to change color, like a mood ring or something. And her hair, her long platinum blonde hair brushing her thighs. Yeah, don't mind me if she stuck out like some sore thumb.

Looking at her, I wondered. What was she really like? Did her looks reflect a nice personality? Or would she prove that good looks were the only thing she had going? There was only one way to find out. So I straightened my back, shoved on my shades, sucked in my gut, and mustered the cheesiest pick-up line I could think of.

"What do you want?" She asked playfully.

Being the idiot I was, I followed. We flirted for a bit, then her face instantly became serious, and her contacts turned orange.

"So to you, I'm a sex toy."

My body felt like it fell through thin ice. "Wah? N-no!" I was totally taken aback._She_ led me on!

"Is there a problem, honey?" A redheaded boy with the most ridiculous ponytail jumped out of nowhere and defensively wrapped his arms around her, snarling at _me_.

"It's okay, Kurama." I think she _meant_ **not**to sound convincing.

Half an hour later, I dragged myself home and observed my face in the mirror. Who knew that pansy pony boy could hit that hard? Then again, maybe he _was_ right for her. Grinning at my reflection, I snorted at them both.

"Feh. Losers."

My smirk didn't last long. They brought up a point. I needed to be put in _my_ place. What do I deserve? I'm not glamorous, I'm not talented; So I'm worthless. I furrowed my brow as I examined myself. "Loser."

Who wants a mediocre guy?

* * *

(Author's note:) Hi! I'm glad you like my crap! )

But my imagination can only take me so far, and I am especially subject to writer's block. XP So I need the reviewers' help. If you can think of any other cliche' stock character, could you tell me so I can have material to update with? That would be much appreciated!


	4. The Exchange Student

The Exchange Student

**This chappie's a little different because this is what an exchange student in fanfics would be if he was gasp! actually believable!**

Wayne Daniels didn't exactly get the warm greeting he expected from Meiou High School. The wiry teen hailed from Wyoming, and was a little claustrophobic; there were more people in his classroom than back in his hometown!

Nonetheless, he remained polite and respectful. His momma raised him right.

"Douzo yuroshiku," he muttered with a deep bow. This sure threw off the students, who suddenly lost hope in their English teacher. They breathed in their side-conversations, leaning from one row to the other.

"Why, he doesn't sound like an English speaker at all!"

"Maybe there's a group in America that speaks another language."

"Really? It must be really ugly-sounding."

The teacher announced that there were expectations the school had, and that Wayne was an "ambassodor" for his country. It was the teacher's way of embarrassing students in advance, and It certainly works. Wayne took his seat at the front, and everyone behind him had to duck to the side to look at the blackboard.

"I thought the exchange student was supposed to be a girl!"

"Oh, with the green streaks in her hair?"

"Stupid, students aren't allowed to dye their hair!"

"What about Minamino?"

"That's his natural hair color!"

"That's _so_ weird!"

"Oh, but she was fluent in Japanese! She was visiting with her parents for a few months."

"That's what foreigner schools are for."

"Man, I can hardly understand a word he's saying."

His accent was one thing, his size and stature was another. As time went on throughout the weeks, students would whip out their cameras and take a picture of his curly red hair and freckles dotting his body when the teachers weren't looking. They called him "Nopo," meaning "giant." The poor boy wasn't quite proficent enough in the language to know that it wasn't a compliment. He just smiled and replied with a "thanks."

The only other redhead smiled at Wayne, who waved back enthusiastically. The strange beautiful heartthrob and the foreign oddball. In a fair and just world, Kurama decided, their places would be swiched.


	5. The Friend

The BFF

The BFF

Katlyn is pretty. Katlyn is thin. Katlyn is smart. Katlyn has a beautiful singing voice. Katlyn is talented. Katlyn had a hard childhood. Katlyn is totally benign. Katlyn has a gorgeous-looking boyfriend. Of course, being all that she is, Katlyn—for some reason or another—is the only one who can use an amulet that can release the powers of the underworld for the use of good or evil. She's all that and more.

Figures. Doesn't it?

Katlyn is an emo. She says she is emo because she was molested by her uncle. _So_? I had some…_things_ happen with a babysitter when I was little. But that's personal. You don't exactly tell everybody that you are unwillingly less-than-virgin when you're thirteen. But Katlyn does.

Usually, you don't need to tell anybody for them to know you're messed up. You see things start to happen at the sixth grade, but moving into Junior High, the pants go down and the thongs go up. Girls are starved for attention. Cutting themselves, wearing fishnets and spandex, and letting guys do whatever they damn well please with them.

Katlyn is just one baby-step above them. She wears the low jeans, slices her arms and has frequent sex with her (older) boyfriend. But whatever she does, she is _not_ a slut. She _doesn't_ like attention like that, even if she does all the stuff to get it. No matter how many Eskimo coats she could wear, she'd still be hideously attractive. It doesn't make sense, but that's the way it is.

She was so lonely when I first started hanging out with her. Did I feel sorry for her? Why should I? She would have everything if she just got a goddamn attitude adjustment. Brains, beauty, friends, a future, and talent. Boom! _Everything_ a girl needs. Everything to her advantage if she would just quit whining about how oppressive the world is and just use it! She needed…"love."

I was there for her. I was a good friend. I went shopping at Hot Topic with her (even if I'm more of an Ross girl), listened to her go on about just how gorgeous Kurama is, heard (in way-too-graphic-detail) all the things her uncle did to her, tolerated her Evanescence fetish, gave her my famous cheer-up homemade sugar bomb cadies when she was depressed, tried my hardest to keep her from cutting her wrists, and let her live at my house. That's what friends do.

But it just pissed me off how Katlyn could just say how lonely she was when I was right there! I know what I was. I was the cool kid at school who would sneer at the preps. I would be the one to stick up for her when a random dude hit on her. I would be daringly cheering her on when she fought a demon. I would ask Kurama if he liked Katlyn for her. I was the charismatic, daring, slightly stupid, weak, _human_ friend. I was an extra. A spare tire until she got what she wanted: Kurama.

My existence ended five chapters ago.


	6. The Rival Sister

**The Rival Sister**  
**I think I came up with this from hearing about a friend catching his high-school sister sneaking out their parents' condoms...**

Yes, I really liked Hiei. For some reason, I was wrong for liking him. Was it because I wasn't Touko? What was it that made her right for him? Was it that she was the sad, romantic, sensitive sister and therefore more compatible with Hiei? Maybe she liked the right kind of music and wore the right kind of clothes and therefore had more in common with him. Who knows? I just didn't belong with him; Touko did.

I could never find out what kind of music Hiei liked. He didn't talk much. I was always hyper and smiling. I tried to cheer him up. He looked angry or sad or hurt. Or all three. I'm not very good at reading people, and I was hoping to just be his friend.

Sometimes I wonder why Hiei even bothered going out with me at all. If I was the "spoiled, stupid, snobby, Mommy's-girl runway model" big sister, why would he even give me a try?

Hiei definitely made it obvious that we were over, but it came like a nauseating brick wall, if you'll pardon the cliché.

Here's how it happened:

Hiei and I were dating for a few weeks. It was a Friday, and I was just coming home from the modeling agency. We were going to a ballroom dance that evening, and I was psyched. I'd gotten my hair done, my teeth whitened, my nails _perfected, _and the most beautiful pink dress on the planet. Mom was lending me her shoes for the evening, and had called me to tell me just to grab them from the closet; she was working late.

I walked into her room and right in to Hiei.

I gawked right at him. His shirt was missing.

"W-wh..." I couldn't even start to ask him what he was doing in my parents' room without his shirt on when I saw _her_:

Touko, in her bra, sneaking Mom and Dad's Trojans out of their bathroom. She froze mid-step to stare at me wide-eyed.

No time for heartbreak, there was only one thought I could think at that moment:  
_  
"EEEeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! _Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!Ew!_Ew!"_

I gave up Hiei instantly. The hurt came later. I really thought I was in love with him. My mistake.

Then, as a plot twist, I was kidnapped as leverage for Touko. Sure, her and Hiei saved me from the scary demon, but made it obvious the whole time that they were just doing it from moral obligation. They hate me.

Dad always liked Touko better. Now Mom is so "sorry" that she ignored Touko her whole life. That saying, now she ignores me. So, I moved away to New York at the age of 17, and am fighting to stay on my feet.

I blame Hiei of the Jagan Eye for making me lesbian.


End file.
